Miami
Herald
Posted on Wed, Nov. 09, 2005
Meeting The Challenges of Longdistance Caregiving
By Cindy Goodman,cgoodman@herald.com
Two
days after Hurricane Wilma, I navigated the debris-filled
streets to check on my 98-year-old grandmother in Century
Village. I had been unable to reach her by phone. I brought
her a cooler with ice, cold drinks, batteries and canned food.
But hundreds of other residents in her power-deprived retirement
community did not have relatives nearby. I imagined frantic
family members trying unsuccessfully to reach elderly parents
by phone and too far away to get them supplies or medical
help.
In the past few months, Hurricanes Wilma and Katrina revealed
a devastating reality: We cannot always be there to help the
ones we love. While these tragedies are extreme, there is
a great deal of stress and guilt even in the most mundane
aspects of caregiving long distance.
Even more difficult is balancing long-distance caregiving
and a career. Yet a growing number of Americans are doing
it. A 2004 MetLife study, in association with the National
Caregivers Alliance, found 80 percent of long-distance caregivers
work full or part time. That's up from 56 percent in the 1997
study.
Increasingly, the caregivers are men and are less likely to
give up their jobs. Men now make up 39 percent of long-distance
caregivers.
In the MetLife study, both men and women said they had rearranged
their work schedules, taken unpaid leaves or considered changing
employers to deal with the challenges of long-distance caregiving.
''Many bosses now have stepped into caregiving roles so they
understand what's involved,'' says Susan Strecker Richard,
editor in chief of Caring Today magazine.
One of the trickiest aspects of this juggling act is taking
time off. Most caregivers quickly use up vacation and sick
days. They must plot travel to squeeze in visiting time with
taking parents to doctors appointments. And still, emergencies
arise.
Richard suggests building goodwill with co-workers so they
will pitch in if you suddenly need to leave town.
''A project may have a deadline that doesn't go away because
your mother broke her hip,'' Richard says. ``You have to make
sure there is no resentment.''
Locating resources from a distance
also can be daunting. It often requires spending time at work
making phone calls, surfing the Internet and e-mailing doctors.
But finding a support team where your loved one lives is key
to minimizing work disruptions.
About four years ago, Regla Armengol's 82-year-old mother
in Miami grew too confused to take the right doses of her
medications. Armengol, an only child who lives in Virginia,
put her mother in a small assisted living facility, formed
a relationship with the owner and hired Home Instead, a national
senior-care company.
In Hurricane Wilma's aftermath, Armengol says she relied on
her support network. She reached the owner on her cellphone,
spoke with her mom and was assured that the owner would bring
in food and ice.
''The key is the people you have on the ground. You have to
trust them at a moment's notice to do right thing without
being told,'' Armengol said.
But even with support, the emotional demands sometimes lead
to caregiver burnout. Carolyn McIntyre runs support groups
for caregivers at large companies like Pfizer.
''Most employed caretakers can't anticipate how long they
will be needed and how much time is involved,'' McIntyre says.
``When they get to the point that they are angry or resenting
their relative, they need to step back and take care of themselves.''
The financial toll can be tough as well. Long-distance caregivers'
average out-of-pocket spending is $392 a month or $4,700 a
year. Armengol, who works in fundraising for a healthcare
foundation, estimates she spends about $5,000 a year.
Employers, seeking to reduce work/family conflicts, are taking
notice. Some large companies are identifying caregiver support
services and subsidizing long-term care insurance. Others
are offering elder-care fairs, support groups, personal advisors
and counselors.
Even caregivers who work for small businesses may be able
to find support. Members of some small business associations
have access to a toll-free 24-hour help line.
Bathilda Lewis-Hardware, a night-shift nurse at Miami's Jackson
Memorial Hospital, assumed the long-distance caregiver role
two months ago. She used all her vacation and sick days this
summer when her mother in Birmingham had heart failure. Now,
Lewis-Hardware says she hired a home companion, calls her
mom twice a day and worries about her all the time.
''I don't know what elder-care support service Jackson has
available,'' she says. ``But I'm certainly going to check
into it.''
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