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In
my years of marital counseling I have found one book that
gives the best advice to couples. I like it because it
is based on years of research, not just the author’s
opinions. Why Marriages Succeed or Fail by John
Gottman, Ph.D. has practical advice; it’s almost
a road map. John Gottman video taped couples fighting,
measured their vital signs, and interviewed them about
their thoughts about their partner. He discusses what
helps when couples have fights such as a slow start-up,
humor, good listening, and signs of appreciation and respect.
In couple counseling, my job is to be neutral, nonjudgmental,
supportive, and respectful. We may explore family-of-origin
beliefs, values, and rituals so partners gain a better
understanding of each other. I help couples work better
as a team.
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